The externalisation of happiness.

“It will be the next thing that saves me.” “It’ll be the next adventure where I achieve realisation and become enlightened.” “It will be the next lover that brings a deep connection as we wander into the sunset silhouette of eternal bliss.” “Those clothes would complete me.” “That car would definitely say sexy bastard andContinue reading “The externalisation of happiness.”

My eight steps to wellness

I remember being perched on a barstool, grasping a desperate pint, trapped by the belief that my situation would continue indefinately. I assumed that tomorrow would be a carbon copy of today. There were no blue skys in my future. There was no hope. I am here to tell you it doesn’t have to beContinue reading “My eight steps to wellness”

I often regretted drinking! I never regretted quitting…

Imagine sitting in the driver’s seat of a car. The car is speeding towards a wall. There is a bomb under the brake peddle. The knowledge that you are facing imminent death forces you to make a call to the partner you had an argument with earlier. You apologise and explain your situation. Your partnerContinue reading “I often regretted drinking! I never regretted quitting…”

Daffodils; a symbol of hope?

My attitude of excess continued into my alcohol-free life. Where, previously, I had wanted to be fucked up as much as possible I now wanted wellness as much as possible. I wanted spiritual enlightenment and a six-pack by the weekend… I’d quit drinking on a Thursday. If it wasn’t happening yesterday then it wasn’t happeningContinue reading “Daffodils; a symbol of hope?”

My problems with Alcoholics Anonymous

I want to start by saying that I am grateful for AA. I am grateful that it exists as a place. The idea that alcoholics should meet to share a message of positivity and life beyond alcohol has been fundamental in my sobriety. Unfortunately, the simplicity of connecting is lost in a lot of ideology,Continue reading “My problems with Alcoholics Anonymous”

The importance of exercise

It was Christmas time and there was no sound in the houseNothing to hear, not even a mouse.But wait!What’s this?I think I hear somethingYes, it sounds like someone munchingAhh, of course, it’s Charlie eating and getting fat.He’s using Christmas as an excuse to be a right lazy twat. My exercise routine took a backseat overContinue reading “The importance of exercise”

The world keeps turning after the room stops spinning

Almost as if applying the emergency brake. As if the driving examiner has slammed her clipboard onto the dashboard of life. Quitting drinking is a jolting change. A jarring experience for some of the lucky ones. The unlucky ones crash before the brakes work. I expected the world to stop with me. I expected triumphContinue reading “The world keeps turning after the room stops spinning”

Why stay sober?

Sitting on the back seat of a bus, somewhere in Sri Lanka, waiting for the rest of the passengers to return from the off-license and it made me think what has kept me sober all this time? It is Christmas time which promotes excessive drinking to either celebrate one’s life or block it out, itContinue reading “Why stay sober?”

There’s a light at the end of the tunnel…

I was painfully shy when I was younger to the point that it was debilitating. I always dreamed of performing on stage but the thought of actually doing it brought me to a standstill. My parents would encourage me to try but I would refuse. When I found alcohol, I believed it to be aContinue reading “There’s a light at the end of the tunnel…”

How travelling the world is changing my inner world

Moments occur one after another. Each one destroys the last and replaces it with something improved. My mind expanded and my soul branded. Not every moment is one of expected wonder. A simple bus ride, where I slip in my headphones. The opening chords of This Charming Man pour into my being. It feels likeContinue reading “How travelling the world is changing my inner world”