Sometimes, more often than I would like, I slip into a mindset that is destructive. Negativity fuelled worthlessness. All of my achievements are pointless. Life is futile and I have wasted that futility. Comparison is the seed of this destruction. It is the first shot that leads to inner Armageddon. It is a fight thatContinue reading “What would the drunk version of you think?”
Tag Archives: sobriety
Why would you want to quit drinking?
It’s easter Sunday. In my mind, the majority of people in the town I am in are drinking. They are joyous. They are free. Unbound from the self. Detached from the anxiety and neurosis prevalent in modern life. They are happy. In reality, there are many who are not like this. The laughs dried upContinue reading “Why would you want to quit drinking?”
Celebrating eight years without alcohol…
Today (1st June) it has been eight years since I last had a drink. Insane. They seem to be speeding up. The gaps in between are getting shorter. The highs and lows are still the same. Life still happens. Shit still goes wrong. I don’t want to go to work somedays. And somedays are bliss.Continue reading “Celebrating eight years without alcohol…”
The mental gymnastics of an addict
cognitive dissonance the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioural decisions and attitude change. I was walking with a friend the other day who was relaying a story about a time he was at Glastonbury music festival. A friend of his, who was also at the festival, had beenContinue reading “The mental gymnastics of an addict”
Turning 40… Sober…
I honestly didn’t think I would make 30 years old. I didn’t want to, or so I thought. I hated who I was. I hated everything about my life. I was going to drink myself to death. That is what I was going to do. Like the misunderstood, dark brooding characters I romanticised so much.Continue reading “Turning 40… Sober…”
Silence the inner critic…
Alcohol was a fast way to overcome problems. It was the circuit breaker that brought silence to a chattering mind. Like a solar eclipse to a tree full of birds who stop chittering away in the confusion of the sudden darkness. It worked wonderfully for years. Kept me alive in fact. Crazy notion, but I thinkContinue reading “Silence the inner critic…”
So why quit drinking?
Why did you quit drinking? To be honest the choice didn’t feel like a choice. I was in such pain with an enlarged liver that I didn’t want to go through it again. The doctor said it was caused by drinking. So take away the cause and the effect such follow. Was that the onlyContinue reading “So why quit drinking?”
The Pursuit of Happiness…
Not the movie. I hated that movie. Well, it was a nice story but attached to the title “The pursuit of Happyness” it left me with the feeling that to become happy I must become “successful” by societies terms. There are only so many places at the “top”. There will always be people needed toContinue reading “The Pursuit of Happiness…”
“If you have to control it, it is out of control already!” A great quote once said to me regarding alcohol. This was after a reasonably successful stint of monitoring my intake with extreme effort. Who was I trying to prove a point to? Myself? The world? The doubters and critics of my lifestyle? TheContinue reading “Relinquishing control…”
What “Should” I be doing?
For the past year, I have been involved in some voluntary work. It’s a befriending service. Designed to help the most isolated in society to feel more connected. I would like to profess some kind of saintly reason for signing up but in every act of selflessness there lays some selfishness. The lockdown was aContinue reading “What “Should” I be doing?”