Life without alcohol…

People used to say to me, “go with the flow!” They didn’t see the tide I was trying to hold back inside. The chaos in my mind that I fought daily, threating to consume me. Alcohol made it disappear for a short time. An evening of peace was what alcohol gave. Nightly vacation from myself.Continue reading “Life without alcohol…”

The Great Reconnect…

Many people, myself included, drank alcohol to escape themselves. Or in some instances to try to be someone else. The thought of being a different person is often fuelled by a deep self-loathing. Possibly from some trauma. Or through repetition of negative sayings. This could be from a family member. Or even sensitivity to theContinue reading “The Great Reconnect…”

Alcohol addiction and controlled drinking…

“If you are trying to control something, it is already out of control!” I have maybe shown my cards too early with the above quote but the concept of controlled drinking fascinates me. I tried everything to control my drinking; Changing drinks quite often. Drinking spirits only. Not drinking spirits. Only drinking spirits when IContinue reading “Alcohol addiction and controlled drinking…”

Fighting the stigma of quitting drinking…

For a long time, I thought that being a recovering alcoholic was something to be ashamed of. More so, I was convinced that being a recovering alcoholic was an offence that could result in being dismissed from my job. This belief came from my time in the AA community. Where anonymity is the cornerstone ofContinue reading “Fighting the stigma of quitting drinking…”

Quitting drinking; expanded my world, and my mind.

Alcohol made my world small. I would fluctuate between work, the pub and home. It was like being a sprite in a video game. A character on Sims controlled by a sadist. Or a poor player trying to battle his way through a dungeon. Managing to overcome hurdles but never really advancing. Externally I agedContinue reading “Quitting drinking; expanded my world, and my mind.”

Life beyond alcohol…

I ponder about the energy of life. My life energy. My lust for life. I mean where did it disappear for all those years. For over ten years I was a heavy drinker. I accepted sluggishness as normality. How did I get trapped in a cycle of destructive mundanity? I was convinced that alcohol wouldContinue reading “Life beyond alcohol…”

Change your mindset and you change your future…

Imagine becoming the person that you drank to become but without the negative aspects of drinking. Imagine being that person. A person who you like being. With confidence and strength. Integrity and self-respect. Imagine setting a goal and achieving it. Imagine standing at the finish line and looking back and think holy shit I didContinue reading “Change your mindset and you change your future…”

New year, new me?

The days leading up to new years eve were an annual tradition of mentally running through the seismic changes that I would be undertaking in the following year. From sobriety to relationships I would plan them all out. I would be convinced that the changes would happen just by thinking they would. That making theContinue reading “New year, new me?”

Why stay sober?

Sitting on the back seat of a bus, somewhere in Sri Lanka, waiting for the rest of the passengers to return from the off-license and it made me think what has kept me sober all this time? It is Christmas time which promotes excessive drinking to either celebrate one’s life or block it out, itContinue reading “Why stay sober?”

Is travelling just escapism?

“What are you running from?” A question I was asked often when I stated that I intended to travel for a period of time. “Nothing, I’m running to. Not from.” Would be my retort but it would fall on deaf ears. Dismissed as an excuse. I would be labelled as immature for refusing to acceptContinue reading “Is travelling just escapism?”