The fear of missing out

It’s Friday night and I’m in a hostel in Santa Monica. I am alone because everyone in the hostel has gone out drinking… Rewind… It is Friday night and I am in a hostel in Santa Monica. I am alone but not because everyone in the hostel is out drinking. I am laid in bedContinue reading “The fear of missing out”

The Clarity of Sobriety

When I drank alcohol, I stumbled through life trying to survive. All I saw was the route to where I needed to get to. Anything outside of this was extra brain energy that I couldn’t spare. I was running on empty, always. The hangovers hung heavy, this, coupled with the shame that I felt keptContinue reading “The Clarity of Sobriety”

Pursuing happiness through consumption. Finding contentment in sobriety.

When I drank I was often physically sick. I have been so sick from drinking that I have rolled up the mat from around the bottom of the toilet and used it as a pillow because I didn’t want to be too far away from the bathroom. I would wake up feeling a sinking feeling ofContinue reading “Pursuing happiness through consumption. Finding contentment in sobriety.”

Quitting drinking; Pros and Cons

Let me start by saying that these are in my experience. Some of them are shared with people I have met and some of them aren’t. Not everybody has the same experience but I have never met one long term sober person who regretted doing so, that is a recurring theme. I’ll start with theContinue reading “Quitting drinking; Pros and Cons”

Stories from Sobriety – Bangkok and the number 11:11

I had spent the first two years of my sobriety, focusing on staying sober, paying off debt and getting ready to walk the El Camino de Santiago. After I had accomplished this, I felt lost. Like I was drifting through life with no purpose. This wasn’t helped by the fact it was November in theContinue reading “Stories from Sobriety – Bangkok and the number 11:11”

Alcohol or Life?

I was lucky. Quitting drinking was easy for me. It was easy because I was convinced I would die if I carried on. That’s where it took me, drinking. It took me to the hospital, the pit of despair and to isolation. When people used to ask me why I drank so much I wouldContinue reading “Alcohol or Life?”

10 ways the El Camino de Santiago is like sobriety…

As a challenge, a friend and I decided to walk the El Camino De Santiago in September 2016. We walked the pilgrimage from St-Jean-Pied-de-Port, in southern France to Finisterre, on the North West Coast of Spain. A total of 600 miles over a period of 30 days. I was just over two years sober whenContinue reading “10 ways the El Camino de Santiago is like sobriety…”

20 lessons learned on the journey back from Hell…

It didn’t happen overnight. It was a constant downward spiral over many years that lead me to the gates of Hell. One terrible mistake after another. One morally bankrupt decision masked by a lie too many. Each fuck up another step downwards. As the heat rose, I needed more liquid to cool me down. Eventually,Continue reading “20 lessons learned on the journey back from Hell…”

Dealing with emotions in sobriety

Towards the end of my drinking days, I would drink to blackout six days a week. I didn’t do seven because if I could go without alcohol one day a week then I didn’t have a problem. That was the reasoning. In the light of sobriety, the excuses I made were madness but my entire lifeContinue reading “Dealing with emotions in sobriety”

5 lessons of Sobriety from hiking Hadrian’s Wall

Halfway between towns. In a field. Hiking up a hill in the driving rain and cold constant wind. I can’t help but think Why did I do this? I had foolishly agreed to walk the length of Hadrian’s hall in northern England with some friends. At the point of regret, we had walked 44 milesContinue reading “5 lessons of Sobriety from hiking Hadrian’s Wall”