Finding contentment…

I know, it’s a bad title. It suggests that contentment is out there somewhere. Passively waiting to be discovered like the deluded dreams of the wannabe next throwaway popstar. And like throwaway celebrities, my pursuit of contentment was steeped in a throwaway mindset. As the dopamine subsided from the last hit of chemical correction IContinue reading “Finding contentment…”

Mental health and reaching out.

*Disclaimer- This is my personal experience it is in no way intended to diminish anyone else’s struggle* Alcohol was my medicine. A belly full of lager made everything disappear… until the morning. I never learned to deal with life. I opted for an escape over reality. I pointed fingers and avoided responsibility. All the whileContinue reading “Mental health and reaching out.”

I often regretted drinking! I never regretted quitting…

Imagine sitting in the driver’s seat of a car. The car is speeding towards a wall. There is a bomb under the brake peddle. The knowledge that you are facing imminent death forces you to make a call to the partner you had an argument with earlier. You apologise and explain your situation. Your partnerContinue reading “I often regretted drinking! I never regretted quitting…”

Sobriety, the new normal…

The new normal. It’s all over the news. The world beyond COVID. It’s referred to as the new normal. The same phrase could be used for the world beyond alcohol. Normality is subjective to the observer. For years my version of normal was self-loathing and fear doused in alcohol. I was looking for an answerContinue reading “Sobriety, the new normal…”

My problems with Alcoholics Anonymous

I want to start by saying that I am grateful for AA. I am grateful that it exists as a place. The idea that alcoholics should meet to share a message of positivity and life beyond alcohol has been fundamental in my sobriety. Unfortunately, the simplicity of connecting is lost in a lot of ideology,Continue reading “My problems with Alcoholics Anonymous”

Sobriety; achieve the impossible…

Imagine becoming the person that you drank to become but without the negative aspects of drinking. Imagine being that person. A person who you like being. With confidence and strength. Integrity and self-respect. Imagine setting a goal and achieving it. Imagine standing at the finish line and looking back and think holy shit I didContinue reading “Sobriety; achieve the impossible…”

To thine self be true – A Poem

I was sixteen years old when I first went out to a pub drinking. I can remember walking up to the door with my chest sticking out like a barrel-chested pigeon. Slowly praying to a God I didn’t believe existed, that the bouncer would let me in. He did. And as a result, I approachedContinue reading “To thine self be true – A Poem”

The world keeps turning after the room stops spinning

Almost as if applying the emergency brake. As if the driving examiner has slammed her clipboard onto the dashboard of life. Quitting drinking is a jolting change. A jarring experience for some of the lucky ones. The unlucky ones crash before the brakes work. I expected the world to stop with me. I expected triumphContinue reading “The world keeps turning after the room stops spinning”

New year, new me?

The days leading up to new years eve were an annual tradition of mentally running through the seismic changes that I would be undertaking in the following year. From sobriety to relationships I would plan them all out. I would be convinced that the changes would happen just by thinking they would. That making theContinue reading “New year, new me?”

Getting bored whilst travelling…

Those fateful words “I’ve been here a couple of weeks now and I’m ready to go home! I’m bored!” I just don’t understand it. I am very rarely bored. Especially when travelling. I know people are different but even in countries, I didn’t particularly like I was rarely bored. The only time I find myselfContinue reading “Getting bored whilst travelling…”