Mental health and reaching out.

*Disclaimer- This is my personal experience it is in no way intended to diminish anyone else’s struggle* Alcohol was my medicine. A belly full of lager made everything disappear… until the morning. I never learned to deal with life. I opted for an escape over reality. I pointed fingers and avoided responsibility. All the whileContinue reading “Mental health and reaching out.”

Seven things I also recovered from thanks to quitting drinking.

My names Charlie and I’m an alcoholic… It’s just a word, alcoholic, but the history and imagery give it weight. Even in this world of gender fluidity and obesity normalisation, the word alcoholic is still synonymous with defective. The threat of being a pariah in a world awash with alcohol stopped me from seeking help. IContinue reading “Seven things I also recovered from thanks to quitting drinking.”

I often regretted drinking! I never regretted quitting…

Imagine sitting in the driver’s seat of a car. The car is speeding towards a wall. There is a bomb under the brake peddle. The knowledge that you are facing imminent death forces you to make a call to the partner you had an argument with earlier. You apologise and explain your situation. Your partnerContinue reading “I often regretted drinking! I never regretted quitting…”

Sobriety, the new normal…

The new normal. It’s all over the news. The world beyond COVID. It’s referred to as the new normal. The same phrase could be used for the world beyond alcohol. Normality is subjective to the observer. For years my version of normal was self-loathing and fear doused in alcohol. I was looking for an answerContinue reading “Sobriety, the new normal…”

What did I learn from relapsing?

“The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.” Henry Ford “Above is a picture of me, just before some friends and I go skydiving. I am 30 years old and have quit drinking for five months. I have managed to turn around my finances. I am in the best physical shape of my life. I feelContinue reading “What did I learn from relapsing?”

Loneliness in isolation

My mind can slip into negativity. The futility of life is often dissected in my thoughts. The awareness of the human condition and mortality can leave me with a burning desire to achieve… something. This bleakness of outlook is almost annual. It comes along like a possession. My thinking turns dark and I am leftContinue reading “Loneliness in isolation”

Time of reflection…

Walking through my desolated local town centre reminded me of venturing around the deserted ruins of an ancient culture. The branded stores that people identified with lay silent much like the places of worship of a defunct religion. In this quiet, it begins to dawn on me that society, or more specifically, shops, hold aContinue reading “Time of reflection…”

Daffodils; a symbol of hope?

My attitude of excess continued into my alcohol-free life. Where, previously, I had wanted to be fucked up as much as possible I now wanted wellness as much as possible. I wanted spiritual enlightenment and a six-pack by the weekend… I’d quit drinking on a Thursday. If it wasn’t happening yesterday then it wasn’t happeningContinue reading “Daffodils; a symbol of hope?”

Quitting drinking; expanded my world, and my mind.

Alcohol made my world small. I would fluctuate between work, the pub and home. It was like being a sprite in a video game. A character on Sims controlled by a sadist. Or a poor player trying to battle his way through a dungeon. Managing to overcome hurdles but never really advancing. Externally I agedContinue reading “Quitting drinking; expanded my world, and my mind.”

My problems with Alcoholics Anonymous

I want to start by saying that I am grateful for AA. I am grateful that it exists as a place. The idea that alcoholics should meet to share a message of positivity and life beyond alcohol has been fundamental in my sobriety. Unfortunately, the simplicity of connecting is lost in a lot of ideology,Continue reading “My problems with Alcoholics Anonymous”