Sometimes, more often than I would like, I slip into a mindset that is destructive. Negativity fuelled worthlessness. All of my achievements are pointless. Life is futile and I have wasted that futility. Comparison is the seed of this destruction. It is the first shot that leads to inner Armageddon. It is a fight thatContinue reading “What would the drunk version of you think?”
Tag Archives: freedom
The mental gymnastics of an addict
cognitive dissonance the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioural decisions and attitude change. I was walking with a friend the other day who was relaying a story about a time he was at Glastonbury music festival. A friend of his, who was also at the festival, had beenContinue reading “The mental gymnastics of an addict”
Turning 40… Sober…
I honestly didn’t think I would make 30 years old. I didn’t want to, or so I thought. I hated who I was. I hated everything about my life. I was going to drink myself to death. That is what I was going to do. Like the misunderstood, dark brooding characters I romanticised so much.Continue reading “Turning 40… Sober…”
Rebuilding…
“Fall down seven times, stand up eight!” The shock. The disruption. The worry. The concern. The stress. The anxiety. All are present at the initial point of destruction. As life seems to fracture into dust and be swept away in the breeze. “What am I going to do?” “How am I going to go on?”Continue reading “Rebuilding…”
Walking the weight off…
A gluttonous Christmas. A hedonistic holiday. The promise of peace through indulgence. Yet, the only things I gained were extra weight and discomfort. In the absence of alcohol, chocolate reigned supreme. That joy-full kick as the sugar turns to serotonin. The promise of happiness dissolves and administering another hit seems like the only option. IContinue reading “Walking the weight off…”
“Why are you always smiling?”
I just made the short walk from my front door to the bustling seafront. Welcomed by a bright blue sky and the open expanse of the horizon it was impossible to not take a large inhale of the fresh, clean air. Walking along the raised path next to the beach I could feel the warmthContinue reading ““Why are you always smiling?””
So why quit drinking?
Why did you quit drinking? To be honest the choice didn’t feel like a choice. I was in such pain with an enlarged liver that I didn’t want to go through it again. The doctor said it was caused by drinking. So take away the cause and the effect such follow. Was that the onlyContinue reading “So why quit drinking?”
The Pursuit of Happiness…
Not the movie. I hated that movie. Well, it was a nice story but attached to the title “The pursuit of Happyness” it left me with the feeling that to become happy I must become “successful” by societies terms. There are only so many places at the “top”. There will always be people needed toContinue reading “The Pursuit of Happiness…”
Relinquishing control…
“If you have to control it, it is out of control already!” A great quote once said to me regarding alcohol. This was after a reasonably successful stint of monitoring my intake with extreme effort. Who was I trying to prove a point to? Myself? The world? The doubters and critics of my lifestyle? TheContinue reading “Relinquishing control…”
Another day in paradise…
Yesterday was a beautiful day. A cool breeze like a rousing slap that forces engagement within the moment. The sun magnified the vibrant colours of autumn. I don’t think anyone has a greater palette to select from than nature. And if they do, no one uses it as well. It’s so simple yet so elegant.Continue reading “Another day in paradise…”
Barstool to the Beach 