Feeling lost…

For the last couple of months, I have felt lost. A sense of trying to find something amongst the chaos of uncertainty. My mind has been buffeted by possibilities yet I end up chasing threads that lead nowhere. Paralysis by analysis. I have struggled to write. Creativity has been pushed aside by anxiety. There areContinue reading “Feeling lost…”

Taking action & getting sober

When I was in my late teens and early twenties I was a “lad“. Well, a wannabe lad who was really a nerd. I would dismiss anything that laid outside of the narrative of my created image. This approach cut me off from so much of life. The bravado I believed I needed to protectContinue reading “Taking action & getting sober”

Lessons from depression…

In 2008, I suffered a debilitating dark depression that kept me, prisoner, for most of the year. Being a working-class man, depression wasn’t something I knew about. The thought of reaching out was debilitating. The illusionary image of strength was the enemy of my recovery. It restricted me from reaching out sooner. It kept meContinue reading “Lessons from depression…”

Just because you’re down. It doesn’t mean you’re out!

Down but never out. Once awash with alcohol. Drowning in a sea of chaos. Stranded and lost. Bereft of hope. It seemed impossible. Stuck in a cycle of destruction wishing for the end while fighting for life. The way to break a cycle is to introduce change. It doesn’t have to be extreme. A smallContinue reading “Just because you’re down. It doesn’t mean you’re out!”

I just wanted to say thank you… 100th post

I just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to read my blog. This is the 100th post on here. Over 100,000 words of, well, stuff. I expected to give up after a few months but I get some positive feedback. I started it because I had experiences to share. Battling addiction. LosingContinue reading “I just wanted to say thank you… 100th post”

A letter to my eighteen year old self

Hey up, Charlie, I know you will probably dismiss everything I say as nonsense but I ask you to read on and reread until what I tell you sinks in. I know you believe you need to live with reckless abandon because you are destined for failure. So why try? Well, I am here toContinue reading “A letter to my eighteen year old self”

The Great Reconnect…

Many people, myself included, drank alcohol to escape themselves. Or in some instances to try to be someone else. The thought of being a different person is often fuelled by a deep self-loathing. Possibly from some trauma. Or through repetition of negative sayings. This could be from a family member. Or even sensitivity to theContinue reading “The Great Reconnect…”

Dark night of the soul…

It seemed like it happened in a week. A quick decline of mood that brought a burst of tears that covered my face for two hours. But the uncontrollable sobbing was the beginning of the escape. After travelling the world, my consciousness felt too big for my head. Like I was trying to squeeze twoContinue reading “Dark night of the soul…”

Living one day at a time…

2372 days, one day at a time. That’s how long it’s been since I last drank alcohol. The time has passed quickly. The initial panic of the early days of sobriety is a distant memory. Those lonely days of uncertainty. And second-guessing every decision. The fog slowly clearing to reveal a world that I livedContinue reading “Living one day at a time…”

A letter to myself in depression

*Depression is a horrible situation to be in. The writing below is what I said to myself. It is no way meant to undermine anyone’s struggle with mental health. It was just what I needed to hear to get me over the last hurdle towards recovering. I sought out help, talked to people about itContinue reading “A letter to myself in depression”