Wrong! The picture below was taken on the morning after the night of my last drink. I don’t know what you see. But I see a broken man. A man who has ran out of options. The eyes no longer mask the shame. It is clear that the inside of that man is troubled. Desperate.Continue reading “Nine years, no drink, no drugs… Dull right?”
Author Archives: CJ Lofus
What would the drunk version of you think?
Sometimes, more often than I would like, I slip into a mindset that is destructive. Negativity fuelled worthlessness. All of my achievements are pointless. Life is futile and I have wasted that futility. Comparison is the seed of this destruction. It is the first shot that leads to inner Armageddon. It is a fight thatContinue reading “What would the drunk version of you think?”
Why would you want to quit drinking?
It’s easter Sunday. In my mind, the majority of people in the town I am in are drinking. They are joyous. They are free. Unbound from the self. Detached from the anxiety and neurosis prevalent in modern life. They are happy. In reality, there are many who are not like this. The laughs dried upContinue reading “Why would you want to quit drinking?”
Celebrating eight years without alcohol…
Today (1st June) it has been eight years since I last had a drink. Insane. They seem to be speeding up. The gaps in between are getting shorter. The highs and lows are still the same. Life still happens. Shit still goes wrong. I don’t want to go to work somedays. And somedays are bliss.Continue reading “Celebrating eight years without alcohol…”
The mental gymnastics of an addict
cognitive dissonance the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioural decisions and attitude change. I was walking with a friend the other day who was relaying a story about a time he was at Glastonbury music festival. A friend of his, who was also at the festival, had beenContinue reading “The mental gymnastics of an addict”
Turning 40… Sober…
I honestly didn’t think I would make 30 years old. I didn’t want to, or so I thought. I hated who I was. I hated everything about my life. I was going to drink myself to death. That is what I was going to do. Like the misunderstood, dark brooding characters I romanticised so much.Continue reading “Turning 40… Sober…”
Rebuilding…
“Fall down seven times, stand up eight!” The shock. The disruption. The worry. The concern. The stress. The anxiety. All are present at the initial point of destruction. As life seems to fracture into dust and be swept away in the breeze. “What am I going to do?” “How am I going to go on?”Continue reading “Rebuilding…”
Silence the inner critic…
Alcohol was a fast way to overcome problems. It was the circuit breaker that brought silence to a chattering mind. Like a solar eclipse to a tree full of birds who stop chittering away in the confusion of the sudden darkness. It worked wonderfully for years. Kept me alive in fact. Crazy notion, but I thinkContinue reading “Silence the inner critic…”
Walking the weight off…
A gluttonous Christmas. A hedonistic holiday. The promise of peace through indulgence. Yet, the only things I gained were extra weight and discomfort. In the absence of alcohol, chocolate reigned supreme. That joy-full kick as the sugar turns to serotonin. The promise of happiness dissolves and administering another hit seems like the only option. IContinue reading “Walking the weight off…”
“Why are you always smiling?”
I just made the short walk from my front door to the bustling seafront. Welcomed by a bright blue sky and the open expanse of the horizon it was impossible to not take a large inhale of the fresh, clean air. Walking along the raised path next to the beach I could feel the warmthContinue reading ““Why are you always smiling?””
Barstool to the Beach 