My current life is quite transient, yet I still try to treat people well. I don’t have to. Many I will never see again and their opinions hold no sway over my future. Despite this, I still try to leave a positive impression on people. For years I tried to be what people wanted. I tried to imagine how they would want me to be. This approach led to failure. Mostly down to the fact I was disingenuous. So why would I now try to leave a positive impression? I think it is because there are enough pricks in the world. Nice people should be treated nicely. Their giving nature should be reciprocated not taken advantage. There is an ever-increasing amount of selfish, childish, narcissists that to live a life-giving to give, cultivates an environment that I like to dwell within.
I live for myself and answer to nobody.Steve McQueen
To follow your own path does not mean that you have to be a heartless dick. Nor does it mean that you have to be a selfish arsehole. To live by your own moral codes shows strength. It just happens that I want to leave people better than when I found them. I went through a decade of shit to get here. I took from life and gave very little back. I believed that is what I should do. I had a self-entitled hedonistic attitude and it left me isolated. I was cut off from life because, I believe, to be connected I have to give. When I approach life now, I think what can I give to this situation? Not what can I take? I will try to leave people better than when I found them.
It’s nice to be nice!
To give. To be nice. Doesn’t mean to be a doormat. Nor does it mean to give with the view of receiving. Our culture seems to send a mixed message that it is nice to be nice but it is also weak… except when heroic. We are breeding narcissism and self-entitled adult babies whos toys come flying out of the pram when their unrealistic expectations are not met by reality.
I overheard a man complaining that he couldn’t connect to facebook…. we were in the Sahara desert!
I know I was one of those whiny babies whose life was shit because of the world. Then I chose to grow the fuck up and take control of my life. I realised that you get what you give from life. Sitting around expecting reality to be served up like the dross on TV is the road to disappointment. To own your shit and say “Hey, I fucked up but it wasn’t my intention, I am only human and I’ll try to sort it out,” makes life run a lot more smoothly than “It’s not my fault!!”
When your inner world and outer world align it is an amazing feeling. The need to impress diminishes and the yearning for acceptance evaporates. People are drawn to your energy when positivity and direction exudes. Think about it. Who would you want to spend time with? A whiny cry baby moaning about how everyone is better off and how their life is shit or a person who says “Yes, let us try that and if it doesn’t work out at least we tried.” Adventure is titillating and courage exciting.
In my drinking days, I couldn’t find the ideal partner because I didn’t know what I was looking for and would cling to anyone who showed me the slightest attention like I was lost at sea. I would try to be who I thought they wanted me to be. It was exhausting and would often fail.
I had to think about what I wanted in a partner and in life. After I thought about it I realised that I am happy with my current situation and a long term partner isn’t on my agenda. I can then approach situations with this knowledge. I can be open and honest. It removes a lot of pressure and stress. I have cultivated a drama-free zone and a serene mind. To start playing games and being duplicitous would be detrimental to this. I don’t need it. Plus it doesn’t fit with my ethos of trying to be positive.
Fundamentally without a religious belief to offer salvation, I am left with the humanistic belief; that we are all we have. But more importantly, we are all we need. People who show love, regardless of their personal beliefs, receive love. We should stop rewarding and promoting selfish attitudes purely because it reinforces the structures that we have in place. Regardless of the labels that we attach to our economic or political models, they all reward a certain type of behaviour. This will only change when, we the people, decide that enough is enough. That in this blip in the infinite we call life it would be preferable to live in a place of contentment.
It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences.Audre Lorde
Let’s accept that there are differences in life and that’s what makes it interesting but also let’s accept there are similarities. One thing I have noticed whilst travelling the world is that most people, although carved by their culture, are driven by their human nature. There are of course exceptions to the rule but on a whole, most people want to feel part of something, have food, feel connected and not suffer. Let’s focus on that. Let’s switch off the news and go speak to our neighbours. Maybe fly to another country and experience the similarities for real.
“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s lifetime.”Mark Twain
Maybe it will take more than that. Maybe when space flight is available to all them we will realise that there are no lines on the earth. That it is just a blue dot in space that we call home. That we a fortunate enough to be here experiencing life and all the parts that come with it. Until it is available to all the closest we have to experience the overview effect is space buzz.
I think my shift towards a life of positivity and reciprocation instead of consumption was out of desperation. When I was pursuing happiness through consumption I was always unhappy. Happiness was elusive and just the next “thing” away. Then I realised it was a futile endeavour designed to keep me pursuing. That’s when I began to look for other, healthy, means of finding contentment. That’s when I realised that all I have is here and now. And the people that exist in the here and now with me. I am content on my own but the right people compliment that contentment and heighten the human experience. It should be our duty to isolate the negative behaviour that is rewarded and turn attention to the type of behaviour that we would like to shape our world with.
The dreamers are the savoirs of the worldJames Allen, As a man thinketh